Bad day!!!! Just need to get this out there. James lied to me today. I found cigarette wrapper trash in his blue jeans pockets. I called and told him I found it and he said "huh, that's weird". I asked if he had bought some and he told me No. I even gave him another chance to just tell me the truth and he still led me to believe that he hadn't bought any and wasn't sure why there was trash in his pocket.
Later when I was on IM, he asked if I was still mad for finding the trash, and asked if I would feel better if he just confessed. I told him not to confess if he didn't actually buy any. Then he tells me that he lied... he wanted a cigarette, bought the pack, smoked one, saved one and burned the rest. He was too ashamed to tell me about his craving, didn't feel like it was something I needed to know about. Then when I asked him about it, he says he was mad. I guess at himself for being caught. To me it sounds like he would have never mentioned it to me if I hadn't found the evidence... and it probably would have happened again, along with the constant bumming.
He tells me that he feels really stupid for lying and thinks he's an ass and is probably going to feel this way for a while. I admit that I'm upset with him for lying to me when I gave him plenty of chances to be honest. I'm trying to act normal with him but it's definitely hard. And of course he's acting very different around me. He says he can tell that I'm still mad at him. I'm really trying not to act that way. I haven't been able to talk about it at all. I can't tell my friends about it because I'm embarrassed for them to know that he lied to me. It's not something I'm proud of and want them knowing. So this blog as now become more than my "Will" space. Who by the way has not replied to my message that I sent him over 4 days ago. Anyways, just needed to "talk".
