sunday and blech!!!

Had another fb message today that I really thought would be from him. Obviously, it wasn't and I'm totally bummed. He's done some cafe world stuff today, but still hasn't taken the time to write back. Had lunch with Tailor and Liz today and told them all about it. I immediately turned red and splotchy. I can't even talk/think about it without getting like that. ::sigh::

Sad panda

Wow, today was pretty disappointing. I woke up really expecting to see a reply from him. So I wasn't entirely shocked to see that I had a message. I also had a Cafe World notification. So I checked that first thinking he sent me a gift, but found that it was from someone else. Then I checked the message and it turns out it was a spam message from another friend. I just felt so defeated. I'm not now feeling as optimistic as I once was. Oh and of course since I'm a stalker and all, I had to check his page and he finally updated his cafe world stuff around midnight.

Where is he???

So we're gone all night at Lance and Shannon's and I'm just hoping that I'll have a message from him when we get home. But nope, nothing. And not even any cafe world updates. Wonder where he's been today???

Same ole

Kind of getting tired of reporting that there is still no reply. And to make things worse, he hasn't published anything of Cafe World since yesterday afternoon. I'm still being optimistic. I need to get ready to go over to our friends house tonight for dinner. I still have wet hair and a towel on my head.

Friday

Still no reply from him this morning. Lots of dreams though revolving around us being at school, yet somehow James was in them and i was showing him what I said in my reply. I'm optimistic that I will hear from him in some way.

I broke down

I just can't take it anymore and I broke down and sent him another message. Gah, I'm such an transparent idiot. Anyways, here's my message.

Ok, I'm gonna try this again and I'm gonna be more positive this time. Got anything good to share?

So I broke down and actually checked out this Cafe World thing. So far it's frustrating the hell out of me. I can't seem to figure out how to keep the buzz rating up. I don't have the time to actually have something being served 24/7. Is that the point of this game?

The point of this random message is to encourage you to reply, even if you want to tell me to fuck off.... please don't. ;) Anyways, I know I was being too nosy before and I'm sorry.

I need restraint

I've come so close to sending him another message today. Pretending to write out a reply to my message for him or just to tell him that I'm sorry for being so nosy. But I need to keep waiting... it's still just too soon. In the mean time, I guess I'll keep trying to get the point of this Cafe World game. His profile has updated twice today with his stuff.

I also think that Haleigh might be his daughter. My guess is she's around 11.

Thursday

No reply yet!!! I did some experimenting yesterday. I actually started playing the Cafe World game to see what all the fuss was about. I made some bacon cheeseburgers and served them to everyone who came in my cafe. Kind of dumb, I can't figure out what the appeal is, but I discovered that the FB headings do appear at the top of the screen, so he should definitely be able to see that his inbox has a message. Now I know he's just avoiding sending a reply. Of course I'm just hoping that he's taking his time. He didn't publish anything last night. ::shrugs::

Still waiting

Still waiting on a reply. I'm really trying not to obsess. But every time I check to see if I have a message, I then have to check his profile to see if he's done anymore Cafe World stuff. Anyways, I've been wondering how long I should wait before I send him another message? Hmm...

come on....

What does it take to actually reply to a message. I mean, if he's offended in anyway about my message then he should tell me and not ignore me. Just reply and stop playing Cafe World.

I'm trying to figure out when this guy may work. He seems to be "cooking" in the midday time frame and the late night early morning. Oh and I think I found that he lives in Garland. More than I've ever found before. He's finally starting to come out from under the rock he's lived under for 15 yrs.

Wed bright and early

Still no reply from Will, however I did receive a "Come play Cafe World" request from him. I ignored immediately, and now I want it back, and not because I would actually consider playing it for him, but because I just want to see it next to his picture... lame!!! I don't think I actually had any dreams about him, but I did fall asleep daydreaming about ways he would possibly reply to my message.

Gah... I'm lame!!!

He's just made some donuts in cafe world and published it to his fb page. I know he doesn't technically have to be on fb for this to happen, but I just can't help but wonder why he isn't replying to my message. It took him 4 days to reply to the first one and I just expected him to be "looking" for my reply. ::sigh::

I told James about our messages. It was weird and it felt wrong keeping it from him. I don't think he trust me when it comes to Will. But he didn't get mad, he took it well I think.

Our convo so far.

Robyn Mills January 21 at 11:21pm

So first of all, I have to say that I'm a bit disappointed that I'm not able to learn more about you based on the info that you have on FB. Seriously Raleigh, after 15 yrs I really just wanted to know what was going on in your life and how you were, and your page tells me nothing. ;-)

So you've forced me to actually send you a message, which I don't even expect you to reply too, but I figured I might as well. So..... how is life??? Catch me up and start from 1996, lol. Nah, I'm just kidding! Just knowing if life has been good for you is all I really want to know.

Alrighty, this is long enough for now. I'll be willing to share more if you do. Take care.

Robyn (McDaniel) in case you don't recognize me

Will January 25 at 12:17pm

hello robyn. long time no see. well i guess i could describe the last 15 years in one word... disappointing. margaret sucked all the life out of me. but on a lighter note only five more years and ill have her paid off. lmao. anyways it was good to here from you. how have you been.

Robyn Mills January 25 at 10:00pm

omfg, I think you're tying to break my heart. 'Disappointing' is certainly not what I was hoping to hear back. I don't even know how to respond to that because all I feel is anger and sadness. What kind of relationship do you have with Xavier, besides a monthly check? What exactly do you mean by she sucked the life out of you? What did she do? Just so you know, you don't have to tell me.

Things with me have been good. I got married in 2001 and we have 3 kids. We lived in Seattle for 5 yrs but decided to move back to be closer to family. Right now I'm just staying home with the kids. I'll figure out a career later. I'll probably end up going back to school at some point.

How is your mom and your sister? Are you all still living in the area? Any wives/girlfriends/other kids??? Geez, it's been a long time.

I'm still not sure if he's going to reply. I've been wondering all day how ridiculous I sounded getting so upset like that and if he's going to think I'm super crazy. I don't want him to think that I feel sorry for him, I just want him to open up and be honest with me. I know I'm expecting and asking for too much. I blame the damn fanfic.

History pt 1

I first met Will right after I turned 16 yrs old. I started working at JCP in the infant dept., he had started working there a few weeks before me when he turned 16 and he worked in the boys dept. We both had other family members that worked there that led to us getting and keeping these jobs.

My crush was instantaneous. I recognized him as someone who had moved to my middle school in 8th grade, but he went to a different high school. Will was someone that was commonly classified as the "bad boy". Even at 16, he smoked. Gah, I remember he use to flirt with all the girls. He loved to call me "doll", "baby" or "darling". I'm sure it was just one of his things. This did not help with my crush.

ARGH!!!

I replied to Will FB message last night and I seriously can't go 10 minutes without checking to see if he's replied. When I see that he hasn't then I immediately go to check his page. All he ever does is play those FB app games like Cafe World and Farmville. Usually two or three times a day something new from Cafe World will have popped up on his page. It tells me that he has made some kind of weird food and he has plenty to share and wants people to go and have one. I did it last night right around the same time that I replied to his message. I'm hoping that if it tells him that "Robyn" visited his cafe that he'll just assume I was on his page when I was replying to his message. I really don't want him or anybody else I know, knowing how much I stalked him recently. And I would really like to get this under control. I'm hating myself right now. :(

Tues

So I've recently found somebody on FB that I honestly thought I would never "see" again. We'll call him Will. He's someone from my past. Someone from my past that has never stayed in my past, but has always held a spot in the present in my mind. It's been around 14 yrs since I've seen Will, and when I first saw his FB profile picture my heart started pounding, my face and neck became splotchy and my hands started shaking. WTH???? I mean I'm a happily married woman with 3 kids. My husband is amazing and only about 100 times better than Will could have ever been. But I see his picture and I'm immediately taken back in time when Will was the center of my world.

My purpose

I've started this blog to have a place for me to express my feeling and thoughts regarding someone who I've recently found on FB. I'm feeling myself becoming consumed with thoughts of him and I have no one readily available to talk to about this. I need something. I just hope it works.